About Reid
by theaann.dl
Summary: After almost a decade, you'd think the team would already know everything to know about the young genius, right? Well... not exactly. Witness the team figure things about the young genius and how they react to these discoveries. requests, comments, suggestions welcome. p.s. chap 2 edited 'cause i mistakenly reposted chap 1... mistake fixed.
1. Chapter 1

About Spencer

_This is technically my second attempt at writing a CM fic… please comment, suggest, request… thanks! Much love._

Chapter 1: Coffee

Spencer Reid does not need coffee. It is an observation of David Rossi w/c took a long time in turning into a realization. The realization came suddenly and he actually shoved genuine surprise when it dawned on him. He jolted from his almost asleep state and straightened his posture as he continued to stare at the young agent.

"Dave?"

The single word question posed by his friend and co-worker meant more than what was obvious. Was he okay? Was something wrong? Technically, there was nothing wrong but he was rather surprised that it has taken him such a long time to realize such a trivial thing about someone that he has been working with for around seven years already.

"I'm fine, Aaron."

His single sentence assurance was also loaded with more meaning than he intended. He knew that his protégé would ask once they were left alone and he doesn't mind. Maybe they would both drink and pretend that it is normal for co-workers to not notice trivial things because it is not a requirement. They could brush it off or they could discuss it along with other imperative topics that have accumulated since the last time they had a drink together.

He watched as their youngest passed by them with a smile and a nod and proceeds to chat with the newest addition to their family. Family. Families share trivial things about them unknowingly and other members of the family pick those things up without being asked. Families know these things and he didn't even notice. He should have known, he should have noticed. How many times has he roomed with Spencer sleep? He should have known that the genius' brain wouldn't know how to be quiet, even when the genius is exhausted beyond understanding. He should have gotten a clue when the poor genius recited a recipe for a stink bomb during one of the many prank wars Reid and Morgan got into. The reality was that Spencer Reid did not need any caffeine in his system to function. Sure, he was irritable and often compulsive before he had his first cup but that was nothing against how Aaron was before his first cup of coffee. David had to chuckle at the memory of Aaron Hotchner glaring at a poor coffee machine and willing it to go faster. Never, as far as David remembered, did Reid ever glare a coffee machine to death because of lack of caffeine. As the plane landed, Dave compared the number of sugar packets Aaron and Spencer threw away. Spencer consumed more than 18 sugar packets against Aaron's 15 but David knew that Aaron only uses 3 sugar packets per cup of coffee which meant that their Unit Chief had drunk 5 cups of coffee versus Spencer's 3 since he usually used 6 packets of sugar for his coffee. He knew he was over-analyzing all of the coffee business but it just hasn't stop annoying him that the idea that they have been teasing Reid about his coffee habits when Reid barely had any addiction to caffeine. Aaron approached him when everyone, even the genius and the tech goddess has left.

"What was on your mind Dave?"

He took his usual chair and waited for David to bring out the scotch and the glasses.

"Dr. Spencer Reid does not need coffee."

"What do you mean? Have you seen him with his mug? He clutches that thing like his life depended on it."

"Yes, he does but he usually does not finish his cup of coffee immediately. Aaron, you drank more coffee than he did during the plane ride."

"The plane ride lasted for 18 hours, Dave. What brought this on?"

"I was just…ever since Gideon died; I have been trying to notice the little things. Mostly, my daughter, my grand-child, this pseudo-family that we have…And then I realized that I have observed countless of times just how much Reid gets done even without the aid of caffeine."

"So your brain concluded that he doesn't really need coffee?"

"Exactly. Aaron, I've been a part of this team for around seven years now and I have to admit, I was quite suspicious of the kid from the moment I set my eyes on him."

"I didn't think it helped that he had on a Frankenstein mask at the time and was completely star-struck by you."

"But I was awe-struck by his age. I honestly didn't think we'd get along and now…"

"Now?"

"Now he's like a son to me. I would give up my life to save that kid."

"So what's the problem?"

"I am willing to save the life of Reid but I've barely paid any attention to the little things that make him who he is."

"Dave, I think you're over-thinking this. We're human, we overlook things and it's okay."

"Aaron, the guy that runs the grocery store I frequent knock on wood."

"Is he superstitious?"

"No. He kept his giant dog there and three knocks meant trouble. The dog was a gift from his ex-wife who wanted him bitten but he was able to tame the thing and now he's taking care of the dog."

"What's you point Dave?"

"My point is that I'm good at my job Aaron and yet I know more about the guy that runs the grocery shop and his dog than the kid that I've been working with closely for seven years that I am willing to die for."

"Then this is your chance to get to know him better. Reid is reserved and very private so don't beat yourself up too much. Morgan and I have been working with Reid for almost a decade now and I haven't accompanied him in any comic book conventions yet. I think we see each other so much that we have convinced ourselves that we know everything about each other's private lives so you shouldn't be too concerned about it. Like I said, you can always go and get to know him more if you wanted to."

"I sure hope you're fine Aaron. I worked closely with Jason most of the time I didn't really understand him and I just…I don't want to make the same mistake…you know? I know I'm probably over-analyzing this but…I feel as though I don't know the little things, how much do I know the big things?"

With that, we moved on to other topics as we polished almost half of my newly-opened bottle.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Hair

_Thanks for those who commented, favorite and followed. I would try my best not to make this story cheesy, promise. Please leave a few requests and suggestions. Thanks so much lovelies._

Morgan's POV

"I wonder what color I should dye my hair with this time." Baby Girl and her crazy colors are part of why I love her. Considering that she's been too busy to change those days, I'm not surprised that she's bored with her blonde locks.

"Well silver is very popular these days, Pen." JJ should know better than recommending something so devoid.

"Yeah, but I really don't think gray would ever be able to express the awesomeness that is Penelope Garcia, right Morgan?" Cate is right. Of course, awesomeness doesn't cover half of what my Baby Girl is.

"I really liked it when you dyed your hair red, Garcia." Wow. I didn't even know Pretty Boy had an opinion on hair color.

"Wait, you were red head? Did you take pictures?"

"Of course we did Cate but maybe later. We don't want to get scolded for sitting around just talking when it's time to get back to work."

Already? I barely felt the time, and just as we were getting comfortable sitting in the break room.

"Five more minutes, actually. Morgan's been really quiet." Busted by Reid. Great.

"That's true. What's going on in that beautiful brain of yours my chocolate Adonis?"

"Well you know I love you in any color Baby Girl. I especially love the red, white and blue every 4th of July…"

"And the purple the next day." Pennsylvania Petite finishes for me.

"Maybe I should just let it be and get a haircut instead."

"What cut are you thinking of Baby Girl? Anything so long as it's not as short as Reid's hair would look great on you."

"I happen to think Boy Wonder's hair is pretty cute, handsome."

"Pen's right, Derek. Henry loves how his hair is like Uncle Spencer's."

"Guys, I think we should go back to work." And just like that, Pretty Boy ducks back to his desk.

We all follow suit and go back to working on our paperwork and consults. As much as I try to focus on the never-ending stacks of folders and gruesome photos, I just couldn't focus. My brain kept going back to the joke Hatch made about Reid's hair, something about him joining a boy band or something. Although I'm sure Dr. Spencer Reid not part of any boy band, I have started wondering where Pretty Boy gets his hair inspiration. I mean, obviously he has some sort of opinion about it, basing from what he said about Baby Girl's hair. And does Reid ever go for a haircut? Does he like his hair long or short? And why am I asking those questions instead of concentrating paperwork? Reid just never asked me about anything regarding opinions about hair and stuff like that before. I mean, obviously, I don't have much of a say but…it still would have been nice to be asked. The kid's like a little brother for me and it just bothers me a little. Seriously though, Reid has had a lot of rather…creative hairstyles over the years. I wonder what is up with his hair. He gets the color from his mom, if my memory serves me right. But where does he get a haircut? Why does it get so long often?

I guess it's just an incredibly boring day at work if all I've got to think about is Reid's hair. Wow.

"Hey, JJ!" I call to her as she walks past me towards Garcia's lair.

"Do you know where Reid gets his hair cut?"

_P. S. hand wrote this thing in purple gel pen… __J_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Eidetic Memory

_Thanks for the comments! Please keep 'em coming!_

Penelope's POV

Here in my oh, so colorful apartment, I come to a realization that I should have had years ago! Reid didn't have to do this.

Ever since we found out that we are both lovers of the same shows, we have been organizing watch-overs like this one. We would head to one's apartment (usually mine) and we would watch either reruns of old episodes or we would catch up on the newer episodes that we haven't watched yet. Come to think of it Boy Wonder thought of it first. He was the one who snuck in records of our favorite shows in my office where we watched them in between our paperwork. After all these years, I can't believe I am only now realizing that Junior G-man doesn't even need to watch all of these episodes with me because of his eidetic memory. He has probably seen most, if not all, of these and have long imprinted it in that beautiful brain of his.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Garcia?"

Well…besides the fact that he looked so cute sitting on my couch wrapped in a blanket that we have both assumed is his already since he's been using it since we started with this little tradition of ours?

"I was just thinking of how sweet it was for you to bring all of the ingredients for our baked goods."

"Well…umm…thanks for letting me watch with you."

When this tradition of watching, he used to bring all sorts of things: flowers, cupcakes, Chinese food…After a while, my neighbors started assuming he was my boyfriend which I teased him about mercilessly when I told him. He immediately blushed and hurriedly explained how his mom taught him not to visit without bringing anything for the person he was visiting. From there we came to an agreement for him to bring ingredients for me to use in baking instead of the ones already baked. I also established how we were like long lost siblings to my neighbors- a thought he readily agreed to.

I guess I'd have to thank Cate for helping me realize Reid's sweetness and thoughtfulness, though it's not like I didn't know it before. She's just been asking if Reid's memory is really that good and the rest of my fine furry friends have been citing examples on how Reid has demonstrated the power of that brain of his to them.

That's what led me to my brain's musings now instead of getting so engrossed in the story like Reid is at the moment. He doesn't need to watch these with me but he does every time I ask and even when I don't ask.

When I was shot, everyone was fussing over me but he just played one of the episodes we loved and sat with me. He made me concentrate on things other than my fear and he helped me through it. It must be torture for him to watch things again after he's watched everything in his head. On the other hand, h has never complained though. He has always been such a kind and gentle guest. Even when I get a little bored and start to throw popcorn to him, he just smiles.

At the end of the episode, I know it's time for him to go but I don't really want him to. Morgan and I may be best friends but Reid and I have something special. Chocolate thunder loves me no matter who I am while with Reid, I don't need to wonder or worry if I'm being too weird. He just gets me.

We clean up together while we talk about what we were watching and I mostly just smile and nod. It's almost like he knew that I wasn't paying attention and that he had to explain. We hug say our goodbye and I watch him hail a cab. I walk back to my couch and re-watch the episode with a large smile on my face.

He doesn't watch with me because he has to, he watches with me because he doesn't want me to be lonely. He watches with me even though he has memorized the episodes. He watched with me because his eidetic memory reminded him that I may have looke a little off that day. He watches with me one because he cares.

_P.S. Hope you guys like this one!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Reid Effect

_I usually do this right after updates but…actually, no excuses. So without further ado, Thanks to _**Spence FTW**_for being the first to comment. _**Maya Langston**_, I'll try not to. _**dantexsin**_, that's the idea. _**tannerose5**_, thanks for your comments, they make my heart swell. _**honeycloud**_, you are the best cheerleader ever! _**XoxMountainGirlxoX**_the brother/sister relationship might come later and thanks for the suggestion and I kinda like Cate than Kate so…__J__and I'll try to proof read more. _**Sue1313**_, you are so sweet! _**fishtrek**_, I would like to think Penelope drags him to her hair dresser but… Pen's a total DIY DIVA so… I'm still clueless. Keep the comments coming, thanks!_

JJ's POV

"Mama, I wanna play with Uncle Spence!"

My heart just swelled at my son's excitement at the thought of Spence coming over. He still comes over once in a while and he even hangs out with Will but even since the situation with Emily…our relationship has been rather strained. It's barely noticeable to others but I know the difference. There are no more random conversations, no more surprise visits, and barely any brunches anymore. He still cares about me and he hasn't stopped looking out for me, especially on the field but I miss the closeness we used to have.

I smile sadly as I hear Will helping Henry get ready for their little adventure Spence has planned for them. It's still painful for me whenever I remember the things we used to do together and the things he used to do for me. The conversations we used to have, the little outings, even the tradition of teasing him once in a while has died down a whole lot. He still smiles and he still doesn't mind being and he even teases back…usually not with me.

After the whole ordeal about Em and my reinstatement to the BAU, it was really rocky for me. Sure, Em and I became closer and Morgan and I trained but the one person I could always count on, I had hurt so much that he would barely speak to me unless absolutely necessary. He even became less and less involved in Henry's life because of his desire to avoid me. It hurt a whole lot because out of everyone, I always related to him easier. Maybe it was our ages being closer, maybe because we were both newbie's around the same time, or maybe it was because he is who he is: caring, thoughtful and kind.

I remember Will asking about it and I had broken down in his arms because it really did feel like I had just lost Spence. I told Will everything and even though he never vocalized it, I knew that even he did not approve of the way we handled things.

It took my son marching up to Reid's apartment (followed by Will) for Spence to resume being Henry's Godfather again. When the boys came home, I drank in all the details like a traveler who just discovered an oasis. Reid probably felt guilty making Henry feel unwanted, especially since my baby was innocent in all of it. Now that I think about it, as much as I craved for Spence's friendship, I also sort of hated him. I was so wrapped up in all of my problems that there were times when I didn't even know how to be a mother. During those times, Henry searched for Uncle Spence. There were times when I'm sure Henry felt afraid, either for me or of me but he never had any fear of Spence. I guess he "Reid Effect" either faded or was never really there in the first place.

In fact Henry was always more relaxed and comfortable around Spence. Even Jack seeks him out every time he visits the BAU. Sure, the kids love their parents and adore Penelope but Reid is like a magnet to them. No matter what, they always found the kids wanting to know what Uncle Spence was doing. Even animals can't resist him. When they were taking turns keeping Sergio, the cat stayed with Spence the longest. We all had this allotted time but with Reid, the cat flat-out refused to budge. He left the cat alone and I guess the cat preferred that.

And if memory serves me right, animals always tried to get to him. We all assumed they were trying to attack him or that they didn't like him but…What if they were making noise so Reid would pay attention to them?

I peek from the kitchen as Reid picks up Henry for their little adventure. As soon as they leave, well comes to me and envelopes me in a hug.

"He'll come around…eventually." Will is such an optimist.

"Will, it's been years and sometimes, I find myself wishing I could him a re-do button because he isn't how he used to be."

"Babe, remember that he's growing, too, as a person and he's gone through a lot. Maybe the reason that he has gone through." He's right. I'd hate to admit it but Will is right. It's not all about me…

"So…now what?"

"Maybe you should just accept him as he is right now, Jen. He can't turn back time either and he has had to live with a lot of things. Maybe what the kid needs is someone like Henry who just accepts who he is without question." Again, Will's right. How did I get so lucky with him?

"I…maybe I should. I just …I miss him a lot and I wish that…I…I don't know."

"It's all going to be alright, Jen. I promise."

_A/N: Hope you guys like this one!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Strength

_AZCatmom, I never really got over the elephant so…Thanks so much for the compliments. I'm 19 in real life and you guys keep making me smile and feel appreciated. SpenceFTW, maybe but it wouldn't be the highlight or maybe we won't be looking at it in JJ's POV. tannerose5, thanks so much. I think that for a while, JJ was in a rationalization mode whereshe was so scared that she made such an irreparable mistake that she deflected her guilt and used being a really cold bitch as her defense mechanism? Maybe. Sue1313, maybe things got too piled on that it was easier to sweep it under a rug. I watch the show because of the team's dynamic and since we all love Spencer Reid, if they made him too angry with anyone, then they would probably have to hire JJ's replacement. We may not miss JJ but we'd definitely miss Henry. Thanks again for the comments lovelies. Hope you like this one._

Hotchner's POV

Reid isn't weak. Contrary to popular belief, he can actually defend himself. I think one of the reasons why people generally assume that Reid is weak is because he is constantly being compared to Morgan. People deal with Morgan differently than they do Reid. Morgan used to play sports, he is generally active in the FBI gym, he teaches tactical once in a while, and he is a known guy's guy. Reid, on the other hand, is a tall, lanky man who sometimes forgets that other people's brains don't function the same way his does. Most people wouldn't know how to deal with a genius who reads 20,000 words a minute so they stay away from him unless they think he needed to be saved. Morgan already looked like the guy who would do the saving.

For me, I have always valued inner strength more than physical strength. That's just one of the many lessons that I learned because of my father as I was growing up.

I hadn't meant to follow Reid but my curiosity got the best of me. I had checked his target at the range where I was unloading my pent-up emotions.

At first I didn't notice him there until he has almost left the room. In fact, the only reason I looked was because a couple of agents who were making fun of a "walking stick with a gun that's too big for him." I wanted to silence those agents but Reid's back caught my eyes first. I immediately decided to finish unloading my magazine and checked my target, hoping to catch up to him. I didn't intervene even though I desperately wanted to because I knew from experience that some things become worse when people think you have a protector, it becomes like a challenge for them to get to you.

Besides, the agents were all talk. At least they didn't approach Reid. After I finished putting my equipment away, I started towards the door. As I passed by the booth Reid occupied, I realized that he hadn't retrieved his target so I did. It was just the curiosity in me to want to know how much he has improved in aiming. The sight startled me a bit. I was not expecting Reid to have improved so well, although I know that I belittled his abilities by doing so. It's just…Reid never showed any interest in training and he only learned enough quality-at least that's what I thought. I should have known that anything Dr. Reid does, he practices for perfection.

The shots were mostly inside the most inner ring closest to the center. He even landed a few shots in the center. On the other hand, there are also shots directed at the legs and arms and even the shoulders shots that would incapacitate rather than kill. I guess that was what he had intended to practice when he came here. I'm willing to bet that the target shots started when the agents started talking about him.

I shake my head as I continue out the door. I jog a bit to try and catch up to Reid but as I round a corner, I see him talking to Anderson.

"You don't have to Reid…" I wonder what the boxes are for.

"I can say the same things Anderson. Why are you carrying all of these? What are they for?" Honestly, I would like to know as well.

"I just got back from the archives and I thought these files could be helpful upstairs. I was going to encode them to make it easier for Garcia for cross-checking." I didn't even realize that Anderson did that.

"So you decided to carry all of these at once? Really Anderson?"

"Well…Craig was helping me but…well, duty called. Garcia really wants to make everything paperless and I was kind of getting tired of going up and down..."

"And Craig?" I wonder who this Craig these two are talking about. And I have to talk to Garcia about this paperless program of hers. Maybe the guys at the Archives can give us a hand.

"Craig thought it would be a good idea when he saw me at the archives so he helped me but…"

"Duty called. Okay. So, we just bring these up to our floor?" It's no wonder Agent Anderson always seemed busy.

"You don't have to. Just until the elevator, I think. By then, I'm sure Garcia would have sent for Agent Morgan to help me with these. I texted her before Craig and I brought these."

I followed them as they carried the boxes to the elevator. Reid made sure that Anderson was stable then bid him goodbye. Then, as ashamed as I can be, I continued to follow Reid. Surprisingly, he headed to the Bureau gym. Reid rarely ever went there…if he went at all. I should know now that underestimating the good doctor is never a good idea.

He walked in with such confidence that I wondered when Reid started growing up. He certainly isn't the same as he used to be. He isn't a kid anymore…he's grown to be a wonderful young man - and I barely even felt it.

He walked around a bit until someone called his attention.

"Hey Kid!" Reid visibly tensed and I did, too. I might have even sworn under my breath a bit a bit. But when Reid turned around, he was relaxed and he even had a smile on his face. I guess he recognized the man who called him but I can't say the same for me.

"Kid, can you help me iron out y moves?" Without saying a word, Reid went up to the ring and took a position I have never seen him make.

"Ready?" And with that one word, Reid signaled the man who in turn came for him. I was ready to intervene but before I could move, Reid had flipped the man twice – his size as though it was nothing. After helping his opponent up, they smiled at each other and even patted their backs. They talked and the man said something about needing to train more on the manri – style or something. I felt sure that Reid would be able to take on anything he wanted to so I turned around to leave.

To my surprise, the men talking about Reid at the range were right behind me with their mouths agape. I guess they also witness what I had. As I continued walking, I heard one of them remark on how things aren't always what they seem.

Yes, one should never under- estimate Dr. Reid and the strength that he possess.

_A/N : honeycloud, I think I would mentally get them talking TO Reid about their observations rather than ABOUT him. I wouldn't want it to look like they were gossiping because that would hurt our good doctor. Hope you guys like this one!_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Words

_A/N: Thanks ahowell1993 for the comment! Sue1313, thanks! I'm just so in love with the show that I write what pops up in my 19 year old mind._

Cate's POV

The last thing that anyone should ever say to Dr. Spencer Reid are the words "I don't understand." Because he would then launch into explanation in the hopes that you would understand…and usually, his lectures only confuse me even more. He is so brilliant that keeping up with him is essentially pointless. This was cemented by a conversation we had a while ago.

During one of our rare office days, Reid turned to me and asked me about how I used to choose what role I would take during my undercover cases. I told him that I usually look for weakness then try to take up a role that would expose that but when I was just starting, I usually jumped between roles until I figured out what was the best fit for me. That seemed to have satisfied him and he went back to his consult while I went back to my paperwork.

During our coffee break, I asked Reid about the consult and he told me that the killer was looking for a role to fill and that was why he was killing. Of handedly, I said, "I know the feeling." He tried to say something but I just smiled at him and shrugged it off. I finished my drink and went back to work.

At the end of the day as I was cleaning up my desk and was getting ready to go home, Reid called for my attention.

"Cate? I hope you know that you're here for a reason…" Taking a deep breath, I answered.

"I don't understand. These days, I wonder what that reason could possibly be. I kind of feel like a bench-warmer."

When he didn't answer, I thought he needed an explanation so I continued, "A bench-warmer is…"

"I know what a bench-warmer is Cate and I don't think of you that way. I know that we haven't exactly been that warm…"

"That isn't true Reid. All of you have been really nice to me and you all try to include me in what you guys are doing." But…

"But we have been more tolerant and courteous rather than welcoming. We include you but sometimes we forget to and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that sometimes we forget."

It's creepy, like he can hear my brain.

"Reid, it's not your fault and I haven't been here long enough. I get it. I'll take time and I'm more than willing to put in the work."

"You know that I know that you being new isn't a valid excuse. Cate, we are a team but more than that we are a family. I just hope that our actions hasn't lessened your belief in yourself. Cate, you're here because you can bring something to the team- something that we can 't. We don't have the experiences that you've had and we don't know that things that you did. You got the job because of your work, because of what you've done and because of who you are. I am confident that Hotch chose you out of everyone else because he saw something in you that might have been lacking from us. You are a valuable member of our team and our family and I hope that we never make you feel anything different. I just wanted you to know that."

Needless to say, I was speechless. It really did feel like he could ready my mind. I guess after a decade in the BAU, he could already read me like a book.

Smiling, I asked how he knew that I was…off.

He said, "It was the sparkle in your eyes. I met you first in the elevator, although we have all met at the karaoke, I was the first to see the excitement that you had- have for this job. Recently, I have seen that sparkle get dinner and I thought it would be nice to affirm to you why you are meant to be here. Besides, even a beauty queen needs to be told she is beautiful once in a while."

I had to smile. I didn't even know that my emotions were showing that much but what could I expect from myself? I have always been expressive.

"Reid, that was one time! How did you even find out about that?" I thought undercover secrets remained secrets.

"Garcia." Ah. The center of all that is to know.

After that, we walked out together and I left feeling lighter than ever. Maybe it isn't all that bad telling Reid that I don't understand…

_A/N: Hope you guys liked this one! Please comment, suggest and request! Lots of love lovelies! P.S.: fishtrek, maybe we'll see if he is in this one too. seacat03, thanks! Tbookworm, thanks! Guest, it's nice of you to agree._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Alex

Alex's POV

When your legs don't work like they used to before

And I can't sweep you off of your feet

Would your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70

And, baby, my heart can still fall us hard at 23

And I'm thinking 'bout how

People fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand/span/em/p  
Well me- I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am

I am the luckiest woman on earth. I have a husband who loves me, a job that I love, and my friends and family getting along so well. I was hesitant at first when the invitation to a good old barbeque at Rossi's was extended to James and I, considering that the agent who took my place would be there and I didn't want any awkwardness between us, Of course, once Garcia heard of my hesitation, she promptly reminded me of how gracefully Emily Prentiss approached me during one of the get-togethers that she flew in for. She was so nice and it was her complete welcome that made me feel truly accepted in the BAU. I bet the agent that has been filling in the slot Prentiss and I vacated would appreciate the same sort of grace too.

And that's why I'm here in Dave's mansion listening to my husband effectively butcher a beautifully written love song about how much he loves me. The karaoke was impromptu but with this team…this family, the appropriate measures were taken immediately to remedy the situation

It's been fun so far and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves but the entire thing reminded me of incident that happened in one of my classes recently. When one of my students stood to recite, his seatmate's earphones were pulled away from the owner's phone which then resulted to the entire class hearing "…sick of love songs, So tired of tears…"

The class was stunned for a few seconds since then the volume was quite loud but as soon as the student plugged the ear phones back in and turned off the music, the class started to shake their heads and smirk. I have always asked my students to turn their phones either on, vibrate or turn them off completely while our class was going on. I usually give extra work for those caught breaking my simple rule and the student already knew he would get some extra because of what happened. I ask him for a complete surface meaning and deep meaning analysis of the lyrics of the song he was listening to during our class to be passed next meeting.

After the class cleared out, I asked my TA. What the title of the song is. Apparently, it is So Sick by NeYo. I searched for the entire lyrics and it made me think of Spencer.

Gotta change that answering machine

Now that I'm alone

'Cause right now it says that we

Can't come to the phone

I could still remember when Maeve Donevan was still "Mystery Phone Booth Girl". He was just adorable, like a teenager with his first crush. During all those times when we lectured together, he was always such a professional. He would talk about and thoroughly explain the concepts that needed to be discussed and he was and is always a pleasure to be around. It baffled my students that someone so young could be of such caliber already but throughout most of the lectures, he rarely ever acted his age. Even when I joined the team and saw his sort of playful side, it was nothing compared to the way he got was nothing compared to the way he got about Maeve.

It's ridiculous, Its been months

For some reason I just

Can't get over us

And I'm stronger than this

Enough is enough

No more walking 'round

With my head down

I'm so over being blue

Crying over you

Their love story formed and developed so romantically and it ended so tragically. It took him months and months to recover from that whole ordeal. He shrank away from everyone and we all desperately wanted to ease his pain but we knew that we couldn't. It made us feel useless and selfish at the same time. He finally let us in but JJ said he wouldn't really talk to her. Spencer talked to me but not as much as he talked to Hotch. I guess what happened to Hotch's wife was the closest that any of us could have experienced.

Morgan's father was lulled in front of him so he also has an inkling of the pain but Morgan was torn between consoling his two best friends. Penelope was a bit hurt that Spencer kept Maeve from us and was even more hurt when Spencer pulled away and Morgan was helping her understand how hard it was for Spencer. Honestly, I think that the event brought up Penelope's pain from losing her parents and her hurt is understandable. Maybe all she wanted was someone to hold her when she was going through it all and it hurt her that Spencer didn't want that. Rossi helped him by accompanying him to the cemetery every time he could. After a while, he started to return back to the wonderful doctor Reid that he used to be but Spencer was still hurting.

And I'm so sick of love songs

So tired of tears

So done with wishing

You were still here

And I'm so sick of love songs

So sad and slow

So why can't I turn off the radio?

Spencer created this façade for us and he became convincing that we started to believe that he was okay again. It wasn't until he said something that completely took me aback that I realized…that I remembered that certain types of pain don't really go away. We were driving to a team get-together. I switch the radio on to fill the companionable silence between us. I don't remember the song that started playing but I will never forget how quickly he switched off the radio. After a few minutes of stunned silence, he simply said he couldn't take love songs because it hurt too much. It made me want to knock my head repeatedly or something hard. The look on his face was absolutely ineffable. The rest of the night, his façade was firmly in place in was hard to see that he was hurting

Now I think…I hope that he's getting better. He talks about interesting women he meets although I doubt that any of them would fill in the void in his heart from losing Maeve, maybe one of them could help him heal. He seemed to like people of around the same level of intelligence as him.

I get bolted out of musings when my loving husband nudge me as Dave is announcing the winner for the karaoke that I didn't even know was a contest. Penelope wins but Spencer is given a "special award" from Dave- A coffee mug that says "I'M A GENIUS" in bold print. Morgan laughs out loud after Spencer mock drinks from the mug and we see at the bottom the words "Did you know that?"

On our way home, I asked James what Spencer had sung. Apparently it was "Way Back Into Love." I guess Spencer's just a hopeless romantic.

A/N Sorry it took too long. Please comment, request, suggest, and ask questions. fishtrek, me too! I'll try to sneak some of those in these. seacat03, thanks! SpenceFTW, J. XoxMountainGirlxoX, me too! Sue1313, thanks! I'll try harder to sneak those in. Hope you guys like this one!


	8. Chapter 8 Leaving

A/N I would like to start by saying how sorry I am about how long this story became stagnant. I didn't want it to but… time gets away. To make it up to you guys, I have made this pretty long.

Chapter 8 Leaving

Emily's P. O. V.

The first time that I left, it was because of Strauss. Only through the genius that is Penelope Garcia that I got to stay. The short time that I became "unofficial" certainly got a response… and an unexpected one at that. I didn't everyone else. Hotch, yes- because, for a bit there, we were in the same boat. I didn't even know that they knew until we got to Milwaukee. I especially did not know how it made Spencer feel.

When I met the genius, I immediately saw how special he is. I became even more aware of it the longer that we worked together. He never boasted, nor did he make us feel bad about not being as smart as he is. I already knew that he is smart but it was only later did I learn just how sensitive and compassionate he is.

When we got back from the case and I had to stand up to Strauss, he invited me for a cup of coffee. At first I thought that he just wanted to give me a few encouraging words. How weird would that have felt? I was new and I was replacing his team mate, his friend. He was being given a chance to get rid of me and yet… he asked to have coffee with me.

I accepted, if only to distract myself from the impending blowout Strauss and I would inevitably have. The first few minutes were really awkward. We both ordered our drinks but both of us were reluctant to start. It felt as though he wanted to say something so I decided to wait it out. When he started talking, I couldn't believe my ears.

"Elle Greenway once told me that working with the B. A. U. was a dream for her. She grew up simply and worked hard to get to where she got. The case that broke her—a strong, independent woman—was one of the worst that we ever had. She was personally attacked and the privacy of her home was violated."

I didn't understand why he was telling me this so I asked him. He simply continued.

"The entire case happened because my mother who is schizophrenic was able to influence the fractured mind of a broken man. He hacked our system by manipulating Garcia and he was able to rattle even Jason Gideon.

"What I'm trying to say is… Emily, you have seen some of our cases and you've worked with us. It's all fine until that one case comes and completely destroys you. For Elle, that case turned off her humanity for a while. She wasn't able to cope as much as she wanted to. I always think back to the first case that we had together. She was so excited and she really liked working with us. Honestly, she was just like you—only she didn't have to prove herself as much because Hotch hired her and not Strauss.

"Emily, if you want to stay just as who you are right now, I would recommend applying for a different position. None of us would take it personally because we understand how personal this job can get. You have a chance if you want to leave if you want to"

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. This was far different from the young doctor that I met. He just delivered a very passionate speech and all I could say was why didn't he leave.

"This job changes people, Emily. I think that that's the bad news. We are constantly haunted by the ones we were too late to save and the ones that haven't even happened yet. The good news is that this team supports each other. We are always there for each other no matter what. That's why Morgan flirts with envelope so much—to distract her from worrying about us too much. That's why JJ makes sure we're fed. Did you know that Hotch and Morgan schedule check-up's for our SUV's? I didn't because I declined getting a bureau-issued car. Penelope protects our credit cards so we'd have one less thing to worry about. These are just some of the things that we do for each other. Me, I do some of Morgan's paperwork whenever he's scheduled to go home to Chicago. I also offer to do the same for Hotch since he should be home with his family. If you stay with us, you become part of our lives, and you become our family, too.

"Don't quit because Strauss wants you to spy on us—quit because you don't want to be a part of our family. Or… don't quit. Show her that you are already one of us. You are already a part of our family."

"Reid… I…" I honestly did not know what to say after that.

"Leave or don't leave, it's your choice but Emily, next time tell us. We can't afford to be blindsided by these kinds of things."

And with that he left me with my thoughts.

After our conversation, I told Strauss to shove her opinions and threats to where the sun doesn't shine. I came back and we became a team.

Then Gideon left. Spencer was devastated. I realized that, even though he pulled a dick move, Gideon understood the depth of Spencer's fear of abandonment. I wonder if that was also why he didn't want me to leave the first time—probably not.

When he talked to me about finally understanding the letter Gideon left him, I was relieved. Maybe, he would heal a little more because of that… or maybe not. I knew from experience that a brilliant mind had a tendency to replay certain… things.

When Dave joined, most of us were skeptical but Reid wasn't. He just looked excited. He accepted Rossi immediately although Dave seemed a little skeptical of Reid.

Then JJ had to leave and that was painful for him because she was his best friend. They kept in touch but… she always had to be away because of her job.

Ashley Seaver fascinated him more than anything else but he still considered her a friend. I hear he still talks to her over coffee sometimes.

Then I "died". I left to protect them… at least that's what I told myself. In the end, they figured out how to end it all. If only I just told them upfront… maybe Spencer wouldn't have spent ten straight weeks crying over losing me. Maybe JJ and Hotch wouldn't have had to lie to everyone. My death made him question why he even does this job and I hate that I made him feel that way.

The entire time when I first got back, I wanted to talk to him and tell him how sorry I was that it all turned out that way. I did not expect his anger and his resentment towards JJ and I, but I completely understood it. After our first talk about me leaving, I made it a point to show him that I was sticking around. I established relationships, I bought a home… But I think he already felt as though I was just showing those things and not really living them. That was when I decided to be more involved in the relationships that I established. And then I left.

There wasn't a day in Paris when I didn't wish that I did not keep my past a secret. I wish I told them everything. I wish we hunted Doyle together and solved the case in good terms. I wish that I made myself believe in us being a team a bit more—but I didn't. I didn't do any of that. Instead, I ran and I hurt them all and I made Spencer question his place in the BAU. That's why I couldn't stay even after I was "resurrected". I couldn't work with them anymore because I broke the trust that we all built with each other. I couldn't ask them to rely on me when I didn't trust them with my secrets.

Telling them that I was leaving was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I realized that it was hard because I was afraid of hurting them even more than I already have. I was afraid of them resenting me for what I was going to do. Of course, Reid being Reid, he deviated from my expectations. Instead of getting angry, he simply nodded his head. Instead of words of resentment, he gave me words of encouragement. He showed no evidence of the emotions he did the first time. He said he wanted me to be happy. He said that no matter how much he would miss me, that he wanted me to feel happy and comfortable. This is the doctor that I have come to love like a brother- a man with a brilliant mind and a beautiful heart. I had hoped that he would find someone to appreciate that.

Dr. Alexandra Blake came and left. I didn't know her much but, from what I was told, she and Spencer were quite close. When I heard the news, I called Reid—thinking that he would need comfort. He said,

"It was simply her tie to move on—like you."

His words hit me harder that I thought it would. I doubt that he meant to but, what he said made me examine the life I live now. Here in London with a huge office, a lot of paperwork, and none of the fear that some deep dark secret would come and hurt my family. I suddenly felt very guilty. I swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and changed the topic to a less depressing one.

Later that day, I got a call from David Rossi. It continues to amaze me just how my BAU family always knows when to comfort me.

"I heard you talked to the kid." Dave asked.

"Yeah", I replied. "I wanted to know how he was doing."

"He seems fine. They would still talk and co-lecture and even co-write. Blake is a part of our family and it is very hard to get out, you know that."

I could almost hear the smirk that has formed on his face.

"Bellissima, I also heard that Aaron asked you if you wanted to come back."

"Yeah. I'm sorry but…" I could still feel the guilt as I thought back to that conversation with Hotch.

"No buts needed. Emily, you need to understand that having us as your family means that we would always wish you were here all the while believing in whatever you believe is best for you."

I will never stop missing them but I like where I am right now. Dave's right, I shouldn't feel guilty about being happy. That would be ten times worse than anything that I have ever done.

I thanked Dave for his support then bluntly asked him what he wanted. His laughter told me that I had not offended him. How could I when I learned that from him?

"I just… Em, did you ask Reid about Maeve?"

The girl he was robbed of because of a woman in a psychotic break. The ladies told me about her and I wish that I could have been there more. I flew back for a while for him but in the end I had to admit that I flew back mostly for selfish reasons. I needed to make my heart stop scaring me that something had happened to my little brother. of course, something had happened to him. He lost his love and, from experience, I know that that changes a person.

I told Dave that we didn't talk about Maeve and I could tell that he wished that was not my response. I asked him why.

"He gets nightmares... When Alex was here, he would go to her because… I don't know. All I know is that he had someone to go to. You know just as much as I do that that kid is even more private than Hotch."

That couldn't be truer. Hotch would often talk about something regarding Jack or Jessica once in a while but Reid wouldn't talk about anything. He would gladly discuss theories and ideas but he would often shy away when it came to his personal life. It was no surprise as to why none of us knew about Maeve until it was too late.

"Dave, you said yourself that they still talk. He would probably not speak to me about it though. Maybe with Hotch because I think they have the closest situation with that? But even Hotch got to spend more time with Haley. I don't know. Maybe he'll start talking if he decides that he wants to."

"Maybe", Dave acquiesced. It was not the first time that he asked me about Reid's well-being regarding Maeve. I guess losing his first wife did have a lasting effect on him.

"Maybe I'll just send him a gift basket full of coffee to distract him for a while." I wanted to turn our conversation towards the less depressing route. We always have this feeling within us that we can do more, that we should do more and, more often than not, we are usually unable to do so. It kills us in the inside so we cover it up with material things. This is a lesson my mother has taught me very early on.

"Spencer Reid does not need coffee to function."

I made a very un-lady like sound which vaguely resembled a snort as a response.

"I'm not kidding. Aaron drinks more coffee than Reid does. The kid takes ages to finish one cup. I think it's like a grounding mechanism, you know? When everything is falling apart, coffee won't kind of thing?"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Maybe. It's not hard to picture Hotch being more of a caffeine addict between the two but… okay, maybe Reid does take hours before finishing a cup of coffee and maybe he's usually drinking more sugar than caffeine per cup…

"Get him a gift basket of Dr. Who stuff which I think are definitely available there in London. Get him stuff that he can't get here and that Kitten wouldn't be upset over—that is, if you really want to give him something."

Huh. "Is there something you aren't telling me, David?"

"You sound like the nuns in my old school. Maybe. I think Ms. Callahan might be taking a leave of absence."

"Really? Why? I mean… David Rossi you are such a gossip."

"It's not much of a gossip Em. It's more like, I'm seeing diapers in her future."

"Oh." We exchanged a few more pleasantries and a whole lot of smart-assery and bid each other 'til the next phone call.

Another one is leaving. Given the circumstances regarding her impending departure, it is pretty justifiable. But it also means that another one is leaving Spencer. How much of these would he have to go through? I have a feeling that I wouldn't like the answer. Besides, anyone else would say that it's normal. But… that doesn't make each goodbye less painful. Where's the good in goodbye?

A/N please comment, suggest, request… anything? Please? It makes me happy. J


	9. Chapter 9

A/N Is it too late now to say sorry? 'Cause I'm missin' more than your comments. J

First of all, you guys nominated this story for the Profiler's Choice Awards?!

You guys are AWESOME! Plus, shout out to ahowell for the suggestions made for this fic. I promise to get to each one as quickly and effectively as possible. J Enjoy.

Chapter 9: Forgetting

Dave's POV

Alzheimer's Disease. Of all of the god-forsaken diseases that the kid might have, it had to be the one that targeted his memory—his brain.

"The kid has 3 PhD's, a few graduate degrees, reads 20,000 words a minute, and has an eidetic memory!"

I could still hear myself rattling off Dr. Reid's resume' to a nonchalant Hotch.

"You know, the best part of all of that is he's a real boy!"

It irritated me then when Aaron simply delivered his response in mock-excitement with his trademark smirk—which has since become less and less trademark. That was a worry for another day, though. Right now he had to focus on wrapping his head around the kid's maybe-illness.

"Alzheimer's Disease is a slow, fatal disease of the brain…"

I hadn't had the heart to continue reading the page that I found on Google—because of course I Google'd it. It broke my heart that our youngest had to reveal his burden in the middle of our sting operation. On the other hand, I highly doubt that the young doctor would even consider telling any of us about it upfront. For such a talkative person, Reid is notoriously secretive and private when it comes to his personal life. As a private man myself, I understood where the kid was coming from.

What I don't understand was why the universe seemed so dedicated in making that gentle man's heart break over and over again.

It was one thing to be told that his mother was increasingly unraveling because Spencer has had decades to ponder on it. It was a whole other thing to be told that he—a man who is in constant thirst for knowledge—might also unravel as time droned on.

It made me furious as it broke my heart hearing his broken voice. Hasn't Reid had enough? Must he be punished like this? What would happen to him if his brain—of which he and a lot of people around him—do betray him. And, of course, the question I have been asking ever since I met him: Why him? Why did I have to deal with an awkward kid? Why did the kid have to be a fan? Why did the kid have to be so smart? And humble? And sweet?

God, of all of the people on this earth, it was always the innocent ones who got hurt first. Why?

I had wanted so badly to stop the entire thing there and then if he didn't also suspect a big end game. Now, what? What could I do? What could anyone do? Too young, the kid's too young to have to think about forgetting.

I turn on the radio as I drive to work a few days after the sting. I needed to distract myself from all of the questions I needed answered. It was as I was getting out that I heard the words:

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about these stupid little things"

Those words stuck with me as I moved with the idiosyncrasies of the day. It felt like I was just hiding behind mountains of paper.

Amnesia. Yeah, right. The kid singing—because obviously it was a kid who was wishing foran illness—probably just got his heart broken or something. Oh, to be young and naïve.

It made me wonder about all of the things that Spencer would have wanted to forget but couldn't. I knew from past… instances… that he was capable of blocking certain information from resurfacing but that aren't the same as forgetting. Now he might actually forget a lot of things, but not willingly.

It bothered me so much that I ended up speaking with Aaron about it. As much as we discussed life and all the sucking chest wounds that go along with it, he just told me to talk with Spencer about it. He said that there was a certain type of pain that came with being talked ABOUT instead of being talked to. I understood that but it didn't mean I knew how to approach it. Most of our social gatherings were meant for everyone to be there. We'd occasionally grab a cup of coffee here and there but we mostly just talked shop and stuff. When I aired these concerns with Aaron, he just told me that it was amazing that there are still these walls between all of us even after all these years of us being a family.

That day, I made the decision to speak with the kid. Hotch was right, there were still walls that divided us but amazing isn't how I would describe them: more like unsettling. I knew that I couldn't just ask Reid to go for a drink with me because the kid is pretty much as lightweight in alcohol as anyone could be. Coffee didn't feel right either since I knew that he would immediately know what I wanted to do.

I kept trying to figure out how I would approach Reid when the perfect opportunity presented itself at the end of the day. I was walking to the break room when I overheard a conversation between Morgan and the kid.

"What are you gonna do, Pretty Boy? I told you to go buy a new one ages ago, and I'm pretty sure Hotch asked you to do the same thing."

"Well, I can't really do that right now, can I? I don't know Morgan. Maybe I'll catch the Metro or hail a cab or something."

At this hour? I highly doubted that Morgan would've let Reid use public transportation. I guessed that something was up with Reid's beat up old car again. I mean, I like old cars but Reid's was just… ready to retire.

"Or… I don't know… carpool with me? Seriously kid, I can just drop you off before going to buy groceries."

I find it heartbreaking that after all these years the kid still sees himself as an inconvenience that he doesn't want to assign to people. If only he knew.

"Derek, it's out of your way. And besides, like you said, it's late. I don't want Savannah to worry about you any more than she already does because you had to go out of your way for me. I'm ok, don't worry."

It was then that I made my presence known. I knew ad understood where Morgan was coming from. I also knew that Reid wouldn't want to be a burden. I presented a good enough solution to both their problems.

"Well, how about me, kid? It's along my general direction, Mudgie is at the vet's until tomorrow, and I could use the company. How about we carpool so that you won't have to try and catch the Metro?"

Morgan seemed satisfied with this but the kid was hesitant. It was either he was too tired to argue or he saw right through me and my intentions that he agreed. We all packed up our things and made our way to the parking area. We waved Morgan goodbye and got in my car quietly.

"So, what's wrong with your car?" I knew I had to take it easy if I really wanted to get my point across.

"I'm fine. The world hasn't ended and my mother isn't dead—yet. My car is old and I should change it but other than that, I'm fine."

I must've looked stupid looking at Reid like a deer caught in the headlights. I guess he saw through me after all.

"I know you all care about me. JJ, Pen, and Morgan are more direct with these kinds of things but you n Hotch like your subtleties. It's okay, Dave. I mean, it's pretty crappy and I wish it wasn't at the forefront of people's minds but I'm ok."

"You once told me that people saying that they're ok are usually the ones who aren't. I'm sure you cited the research but I forget."

"Funny, so do I. Don't tell Pen, though. She gets all motherly so fast with me these days that I often feel dizzy with whiplash."

"I… I'm not very used to you being quite…"

"Open? Straightforward? Bold? A friend of mine reminded me that words are powerful and that keeping them all in would soon suffocate me. I guess I just wanted to give it a try. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. It's… refreshing. You do this with the others now, too?"

"No, no… now's the first time I … I ever did. Sorry."

"Again, don't be. It's fine." We were quiet a bit after that but he soon broke the silence.

"So… what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I… don't know. I wanted with you about what you had to admit to Cat but… right now I don't know."

"Okay… How 'bout we listen to the radio? I hear Tara helped you find something?"

"Yeah. She says she has connections or something. Go ahead, help yourself."

"I know time will come and try to take away these memories

But no matter how far I go I won't forget"

Of course the radio had to play something about the forgetting. The kid's like a lightning rod for bad luck. I asked him if he wanted to change the station but he said he wanted to hear what happened next.

"I know I might not see some of these faces again

Why do all good things have to end?"

"That song was Don't Forget About Me by Emphatic as requested by ahowell1993…"

The rest faded as I turned the volume down to silence the radio. When I looked at the kid, he had his eyes closed and for a second there I really thought he was already asleep. It wasn't until he started talking again that I realized he wasn't.

"Hitsuzen."

"Gasundheit?" I said because I thought he had sneezed.

"No, Hitsuzen. It means, well… it has a lot of meaning but I prefer 'inevitability'. My friend was talking to me about it and how there are no coincidences in this world, only hitsuzen—inevitability."

"Smart friend you got there. Anyone we know?"

"Not necessarily, at least I don't think so. Anyway, I doubt that you would want to focus tonight's conversations about Emman."

"You know, kid, we're pretty close to your apartment building. This conversation doesn't need to happen right now." Besides, he already looked tired, as do I, I presume.

"Maybe not, Dave, but you picked tonight. You finally wanted to speak with me about whatever's been bothering you for the past few days."

Seeing my confused and surprised face, he continued.

"I've been doing this long enough to recognize that look of worry people tend to get around me about me. I've gotten used to it even before this job, ever since my childhood in fact. I know when someone is worried about me. You can just keep driving us to your place. It might be a long night and my couch isn't nearly as comfortable as your guest rooms are. You can just drop me off there tomorrow."

"You sure? Because you look pretty beat to me."

"I look better than you, but that's expected because of your age."

"Funny."

When we reached my mansion, we both got out and headed in. I have to admit that I missed that overly excited dog greeting me as I got home. Reid settled in and I went to make coffee. He knew, of course he knew. This kid has had to adapt very quickly in order to survive in this world.

I sat with him as we waited for the coffee to be finished.

"So… how are you really? And don't sell me that 'I'm ok' crap. You said I picked tonight and you're right. You've been dropping bombs like they mean nothing and whenever I look at you I feel an overwhelming need to shield you from this world. You don't deserve this much pain. So, how are you, really?"

"Well, scared. I've taken the proper steps to get tested but I'm too young. And once again, my age is a factor."

"Some say ignorance is bliss… but I'm guessing not you, though? As I thought. You can't worry about things that may or may not happen to you. You can only hope."

"I was relieved, you know. I was relieved that I wouldn't find out, relieved that I could put it off. That doesn't mean I don't want to know. I just can't right now…"

"And your mom?"

"She's… she's fine for now. You know, when the doctors told me that my mother wasn't fit enough to leave, I … I was relieved. And then I felt guilty for being relieved."

"That's a common reaction, especially since you have been living on your own for a while now. That doesn't make you a bad person. You just… you wanted to be able to live your life."

"None of that excuses how I felt."

At this, we heard the coffeemaker beep. We both moved to the kitchen, both lost in our own worlds as we made our coffee.

"Remember the song we heard in the car?"

"Emphatic?"

"Yeah. I like the first couple of lines:

'I know time will come and try to take away these memories

But no matter how far I go I won't forget'

"It fits my condition right now. I mean, I'm waiting for time so the doctors can tell me if my memories of everything I have accumulated so far would deteriorate. Right now, I'm just trying to be less pessimistic about it all."

"Less pessimistic, huh?" It somehow fits. Reid has never gone into situations thinking of the best outcome. His brain has always provided him with logic and that has made more aware of the possible consequences that we might face. He has always been more of a realist, really.

"Garcia keeps trying to cheer me up. She kept trying to get me to experience life, even before this dementia thing. I usually avoided the more… exotic ones but we have similar geeky interests. She's just so optimistic all the time and a try to be less pessimistic about it."

"They say there are many paths to the same destination."

"Funny, a Native-American told Hotch the same thing a while back."

"It's true, though. One doesn't chase the light unless they believe they need it. Just as one doesn't shy away from it unless they've met the dark."

"You sound like a fortune cookie—a very Italian fortune cookie."

"I hated her having to hear all of that."

"You didn't want Kitten to know?"

"Honestly? I didn't want any of you to know." I'm not gonna lie, it felt like a canon launched itself through me.

"And why is that, kid?"

"It's not that I don't trust you guys because there's no one I trust more than you guys. It's just that…" He didn't want to be a burden. When is he going to learn that he isn't one?

"You didn't want us to worry, am I right?" His slight nod confirms this.

"Spencer, we would always worry about you. We would always worry about each other. That's what family does with each other, we worry. Even if you just went to visit your mom and everything was fine, we would still worry. Never let our worry prevent you from telling us anything on your mind, even if it sounds like we don't want to know. Understood?"

He nods and his eyes start to droop. We had both been working all day. Sleep is necessary. As we headed to our respective rooms, he says, "I also like that part in the song that says, 'Don't forget about me and I'll always remember you.' I'm scared of forgetting Dave but I'm so tired of remembering all of the bad things that has happened to me, even if they are hitsuzen." And with that we both retire to our beds, hoping to be prepared for tomorrow.

A/N: sorry this update took so long. I might do a part 2 of this but I'd need requests. Again, ahowell1993, you are an absolute rockstar! Like, Lin Manuel-Miranda rockstar! I'll start with a Reid family in the near future just for you… Thanks again! Please comment, review, request, anything! Night! thea


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